Whooo hoo! We have officially hit our stride as a family of four! I had always heard that the transition from one to two was the most difficult (by three, four, etc. apparently you’re just adding another to the mix…?) There certainly was an adjustment period, but we have all settled nicely into our new normal.

A few months ago, I was able to work the girls into a schedule so that they both nap at the same time every afternoon, which is HUGE. At eight months old, Nora still takes one cat nap in the morning and a long nap during her sister’s nap time. We’re lucky that even if Dakota isn’t in the mood to nap, she’s happy to play on her own for TWO WHOLE HOURS in her room (let’s face it, there’s plenty to keep her occupied in that room!)

I’m able to continue waking early to work each morning before both girls get up. Combined with nap time, I can pretty much keep the same part-time work schedule I had before Nora arrived. But this time around, Alex and I are committed to giving us both a bit more room to breathe (10:00pm bedtimes for both girls means zero time to relax sans kids). We hired a part-time nanny to watch the girls 10 hours / week so that I can get more hours in during the week and take Saturdays and Sundays off. We’ve also snuck in a once (ish) weekly date night for some much needed time dedicated to our relationship with each other. We’ve only had our part-time nanny for a few weeks now and both girls love her already!

Dakota has adjusted to becoming a big sister and sharing attention with little Nora too. Dakota briefly tested her limits scratching and pinching Nora when we’d look the other way but we nipped that behavior in the bud with threats to take away her beloved Ducky. Both girls love each other very much. Nora constantly giggles at her sister’s silliness and Dakota loves to help out, feeding Nora the occasional bottle and getting clean diapers ready when it’s time for a new one.

However, it wasn’t an easy transition to get to this point. At the center of it all was a failed attempt at finding the right childcare for our family. We welcomed an au pair into our home a month before Nora was born to give her ample time to adjust to life in America / our home and establish a strong bond with Dakota before the new baby arrived. Long story short: five months later she still had not adjusted nor built a bond with either of our children.

As I battled through the last month of an unpleasant pregnancy and in the weeks and months after becoming a new mother of two, I ignored my instincts that told me our choice of childcare wasn’t right. We had invested a lot — purchased a new car, renovated our basement into a full apartment, and shoveled out a sizable investment to work with an agency (Cultural Care Au Pair) which was supposed to help us find the right fit. Despite several red flags, I blamed postpartum hormones (Am I just jealous? Am I in an emotionally stable place to objectively and reasonably assess the situation?) I patiently waited for our au pair to come out of her shell, only to realize five months later it wasn’t shyness or a language barrier that was the problem.

One area I seriously miscalculated was finding the right dynamic with a live-in an au pair while going through the process of having a new baby and also working from home. I often struggled to decide how much time I should spend with my children, especially Dakota immediately following Nora’s birth. I desperately wanted to spend time with both of my girls — a privilege enjoyed by any mother on maternity leave — but finding a balance between being mama and allowing our au pair to try to take charge proved to be difficult. I know this couldn’t have been an easy situation for our au pair to navigate either.

It was clear it wasn’t a good fit from the get-go. Our au pair was clearly uncomfortable around children and unhappy in our home. While I empathized with her situation (she was simply in way over her head), it often felt like we had adopted a teenage daughter. This, in addition to the responsibilities of having a newborn baby + a toddler learning to exist in a new world + a nearly full-time job, left me feeling stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted.

After several tough conversations at the end of our au pair’s tenure we learned we both had very different expectations of what the experience would be. Our family thought we would welcome a young adult into our home who would help care for our children and in return, we would offer mentorship, a family home base, and an immersive cultural experience. She thought she’d immediately become a cherished member of the family without putting in the effort to actually become part of our family. Ultimately, she admitted she did not enjoy taking care of our children nor did she love them. As a mother, this was heartbreaking to hear.

Our decision to part ways was all for the best. Our home now feels like it used to — filled with laughter, music, playing, running, jumping, dancing, and silliness all day long. As I write this, I’m watching our new nanny sit outside in the sun with my girls, making conversation with Dakota in her lap while Nora naps peacefully on a blanket next to the two of them. She immediately came into our home offering to help me when my hands are full. She established herself as an authority with the girls but remains playful, dreaming up a new adventure the girls can enjoy each day she comes to visit. She takes our children outdoors, fills them both with giggles, reads to them, plays with them, creates with them, teaches them, and it is abundantly clear that she cares for them.

Admittedly, I now get more time with them too. Mama takes both girls to our weekly activities (library storytime, gymnastics, music class, park playdates, etc.), which feels more natural to me. Every day — despite the exhaustion — I’m reminded of how lucky I am to work from home and simultaneously raise my children, watching them both learn and grow into they little people they are becoming. It’s an absolute dream.

It wasn’t easy getting here, and we all certainly learned a lot. I know ultimately my children are no worse off. We are all happy, healthy and living our best lives as a family of four.